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Bad Boyfriend, IncโWhen you canโt find a good boyfriend, why not hire a bad one instead?
Liam Connelly is a university student in Sydney. He leads an orderly and predictable life of studying, working as a waiter in an upscale harbour restaurant and spending lots of time with his cat, trying to convince himself that after his last cheating boyfriend, heโs perfectly happy alone. Well, mostly happy.
Ambrose Newman is a Bad Boyfriend. Professionally. Someoneโs parents donโt approve of that long-haired unemployed bass player they want to date? Well, thatโs where Ambrose comes in. For a few hundred dollars a night, heโll go to dinner with them and their parents and show them that the grass is definitely not greener on his side of the fence. Itโs dead. When Ambrose brings a date to Liamโs restaurant, itโs not sparks that flyโitโs glassware.
When Liam needs a date to prove to his visiting parents that heโs not destined to die sad and alone, he calls Ambrose, desperate. If Ambrose can be a bad boyfriend for money, he can be a tolerable one too, right? Which works out greatโright up until Ambrose is too nice, and Liamโs parents invite them up to their winery for the long weekend.
Suddenly Ambrose has to be a Bad Boyfriend again, to give Liam an excuse to โbreak upโ with him before his mum starts planning the wedding. But as Liam gets to know the real Ambrose, real feelings start to sneak into the fake relationship on both sides. Under the watchful eyes of Liamโs protective family, who have no idea what to make of Ambrose, their fake relationship evolves into a chance at something real.
When Ambrose has an ugly run-in with Liamโs sisterโs fiancรฉโwhoโs an even worse boyfriend than himโit might cost him not only any chance he had of convincing Liamโs family that heโs not the nightmare they think he is, but his fledgling relationship with Liam, too.
Reader advisory: This book contains mention of physical abuse and a racist comment.
Lisa lives in tropical North Queensland, Australia. She doesnโt know why, because she hates the heat, but she suspects sheโs too lazy to move. She spends half her time slaving away as a government minion, and the other half plotting her escape.
She attended university at sixteen, not because she was a child prodigy or anything, but because of a mix-up between international school systems early in life. She studied History and English, neither of them very thoroughly.
Lisa has been published since 2012, and was a LAMBDA finalist for her quirky, awkward coming-of-age romance Adulting 101, and a Rainbow Awards finalist for 2019โs Anhaga.
Find out more at Lisa’s website and blog. You can follow her on Bookbub and sign up to her newsletter.
Sarah Honey
Sarah started life in New Zealand. She came to Australia for a working holiday, loved it, and never left. She lives in Western Australia with her partner, two cats, two dogs and a life-size replica TARDIS.
She spends half her time at a day job and the rest of her time reading and writing about clueless men falling in love.
Her proudest achievements include having adult kids who will still be seen with her in public, the ability to make a decent sourdough loaf, and knowing all the words to Bohemian Rhapsody.
Awfully Ambrose will be her fifth published novel in collaboration with Lisa Henry.
Awfully Ambrose by Lisa Henry & Sarah Honey
Book 1 in the Bad Boyfriends, Inc. series
General Release Date: 7th June 2022
Word Count: 70,329 Book Length: SUPER NOVEL Pages: 273
Genres:
COMEDY AND HUMOUR CONTEMPORARY EROTIC ROMANCE FAKE RELATIONSHIPS GAY GLBTQI
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Book Description

Excerpt
The voice was loud and obnoxious, at odds with the restaurantโs muted soundtrack of clinking cutlery, soft jazz and murmured conversation. โReally appreciate you paying for dinner, Tom. Iโm between opportunities right now but Iโll be damned if Iโm gonna take just any job and be a corporate drone. Better to take a free meal when I can get one, right?โ It was followed by a braying laugh that made Liam wince and want to drag his nails down a blackboard, because that would have been preferable to listening to this honking, snorting nightmare. Liam prayed he wouldnโt have to wait on whoever the loud idiot was, but judging by the smirk on his co-worker Judyโs face, he had a sudden sinking certainty that the table was his. Sure enough, when he glanced over to check, there was Braying Man in the middle of his sectionโelbows on the table, wearing a backwards baseball cap and a flannel shirt, picking at his teeth. The idiot caught Liamโs eye and snapped his fingers. โHey, man, can we get a bread basket or something? And booze. Lots of booze. Her old manโs paying, so make it the good stuff.โ He winked, then gave Liam honest-to-God finger guns. The guy was an utter dickhead, Liam decided. Still, part of the job was keeping his opinions to himself, so Liam made his way over to the table, face carefully impassive. His mask slipped for a split second when he recognized the girl who was gazing at Dickhead with something like worship. It was Kelly, who he shared a Marketing Communications class with at the University of Sydney, and the last time Liam had talked to her, sheโd been dating someone completely differentโa nice, if slightly scruffy, guitarist in a pub band. He wondered what had happened to him. The other couple at the table had to be Kellyโs parents. They were looking at the guy with a slightly confused expression on their faces, like he was one of those hairless cats, and they couldnโt decide if they were fascinated or horrified by his existence. Liam had to admit, Dickhead was objectively attractive when he was keeping his mouth shut. He could have been a model, with his well-muscled physique, dark hair and carefully sculpted stubble. He had a strong, straight nose, killer jawline, and even white teeth. He was just Liamโs typeโor would have been, if Liam dated. Liam cleared his throat and did his best to pretend he didnโt know anyone at the table as he said, โWelcome to Bayside. Would you like to order some drinks?โ Dickhead rolled his eyes. โWow. I guess you werenโt listening, huh? I mean, I literally just asked you to bring us good booze.โ Liam kept his face pleasantly neutralโheโd had plenty of practice, working as a waiter in a high-end Sydney restaurantโand clarified, โWhat, specifically, would you like to drink, sir?โ He made sure to address Kellyโs father, since he was obviously the one footing the bill. The man smiled gratefully and started to say, โIโd like a gin and tonic, and my wife will haveโโ Arsehole interrupted. โJust give me a bottle of that Don Paragraph stuffโโas someone from a family of winemakers, Liam died a tiny death at the mangled pronunciationโโand the quicker the better, yeah?โ โIโll check if we have any Dom Perignon in stock, sir. How many glasses with that?โ Liam asked through clenched teeth. God, he hoped they werenโt celebrating Kellyโs engagement to this douchebag. Dude wrinkled his nose. โJust one. Itโs for me.โ He turned to Kelly and winked. โGotta watch for extra calories in drinks if you wanna stay in shape, am I right, sweet pea?โ Liam waited for Kelly to rip the guyโs balls offโhe hoped literally, but heโd settle for metaphoricallyโbecause he knew she had a hell of a temper when she was wronged. Heโd been on the receiving end of it during one disastrous group assignment. But Kelly just smiled like a Stepford Wife and murmured, โYes, Ambrose.โ Liam was pretty sure the shock on her fatherโs face was mirrored on his own, but he schooled his features and nodded. Ambrose tilted a menu at Kellyโs father. โThis seafood platterโs meant to be for two, but youโre cool with me ordering it, right, Tom?โ Kellyโs father cleared his throat. โKellyโs allergic to seafood.โ โThatโs cool, I wasnโt planning on sharing anyway,โ the dickheadโAmbroseโsaid with an easy grin that lit up his entire face and really, it wasnโt fair that someone who was such a colossal arsehole could be so attractive. But of course, that was how the world worked, right? Beautiful people got away with murder. Liam turned back to the older man. โAnd the rest of your drinks order, sir?โ he asked, taking petty satisfaction at the way Ambrose snorted and muttered under his breath. โA gin and tonic for myself, and a glass of Connelly Cellarsโ Perfect Pinot,โ Tom said, and Liam suppressed the urge to preen, just like he did every time someone ordered one of his familyโs wines. โMake mine a tonic water,โ Kelly said. Liam blinked. Wow, what happened to the girl who always claimed sheโd never drink water because fish fucked in it? Something weird was going on, and whatever it was, Liam didnโt like it. He especially didnโt like that it was happening here at Bayside. People didnโt come into Bayside wearing backwards caps and being dicks. Bayside had standardsโstandards that Liam was beginning to worry he might have to attempt to enforce. It had water views! You could see the Sydney Harbour Bridge from the wide dining room windows! It was both fancy and trendy, and it always made the list of the top ten places to eat in Sydney. Diners werenโt supposed to wear flannel to Bayside, and Liam panicked quietly that he didnโt know if the dress code was actually enforceable or not. Liam had only been working here for eight months, but it had never come up before. People usually treated Bayside like it was a special occasion, not three a.m. at the counter of Maccaโs. โGood choice, babe. You know youโre a sloppy drunk,โ Ambrose said, leaning in and patting Kellyโs face. Then he hauled himself out of his chair, scratched his belly and farted. โI gotta go take a dump. I always shit when Iโm out. Make someone else deal with that, am I right?โ And with that Ambrose sauntered towards the bathrooms, leaving Kellyโs parents staring after him open-mouthed. Liam couldnโt help himself. โKellyโโ โHi, Liam, I guess youโve met my new boyfriend now!โ Kelly cut in, following that with a tinkling laugh that was pitched a little high with nerves. โHeโs an entrepreneur.โ Liam opened his mouth to ask what happened to Greg the bassist, but Kelly shot him a glare that said she would hunt him down and personally set his dick on fire if he said another word. Liam knew that look, so he shut his mouth, went to fetch drinks and said a prayer that he wouldnโt have to be the one to clean the toilets at the end of the night. Frankly, he wouldnโt have been surprised to learn that Ambrose had just decided to take a shit on the floor and stolen all the paper. When Ambrose wandered back out again at last, he didnโt walk straight back to his own table. Instead, he approached another table where a group of shiny and fashionable young women who were probably Instagram influencers or something were eating. โHi, ladies,โ he said. He put both hands on their table and leaned forward. โMy nameโs Ambrose.โ โIs heโ?โ Kellyโs motherโs mouth dropped open. โOh my God.โ โAmbrose is very sociable,โ Kelly said. โPeople love him.โ A ticking vein in her fatherโs temple called her a liar. Liam saw the way that Tom started to strangle his linen napkin, and hurried over to the influencersโ table. โExcuse me, sir,โ he said to Ambrose. โCan you please return to your own table?โ Ambrose gave him finger guns, and sauntered back over to join Kelly and her parents. What the everlasting fuck? And Liam obviously wasnโt the only one thinking it. Kellyโs mum looked close to tears, and her dad looked half a heartbeat away from either a stroke or a homicide. In the event he actually did murder Ambrose, Liam decided to tell the police it was justified. Hell, at this point heโd probably give the guy an alibi. And the murder weapon. And a bucket of bleach to clean up the murder scene. Kelly, though, just beamed at Ambrose like she was under some sort of spell. โI missed you, boo.โ She blew him a kiss. Ambrose shrugged. โHave we ordered yet? Iโm starving. Service here is soooo slow,โ he said loudly, stretching his arms over his head and attracting stares from the other tables. โProbably canโt get decent staff.โ Liam seethed and wondered if he and Tom could come to some sort of agreement regarding mutual alibis and body disposal. The walk-in freezer out the back would be a good place to store a corpse while they figured out their next step. Liam woodenly went through the specials, which nobody ever ordered anyway, then took their menus back and excused himself. Heโd only made it a few steps away from the table when the obnoxious click of someoneโs fingers pulled him back again. โGarรงon!โ Ambrose. Of-fucking-course. โHey, change Kellyโs order to a garden salad,โ Ambrose said. He grinned at Kelly. โWe donโt want you getting too chunky, right, babe?โ That vein in Tomโs temple looked about ready to pop. โKelly can eat what she bloody well likes,โ he hissed in an undertone. โA salad sounds great, actually,โ Kelly said. โAmbrose knows whatโs best. Babe, tell them about your business ideas.โ Ambrose straightened up, his eyes gleaming. โHave you guys heard of multi-level marketing?โ This time it was Liamโs jaw that dropped. Kelly was a business major. โSo,โ Ambrose said to Kellyโs stone-faced parents, โwhat you do is, you have a product, and you recruit people to sell it for you. Theyโre called a downline. Like, some people say that itโs predatory and cult-like, but Iโve been in a cult, and ha! You wonโt fool me like that twice! Well, three times. Did you bring your chequebook, Tom? I mean, I can take cash if you want to get on board too, I guess. Like, what do you think? Five grand?โ Liam stared at Kelly for a moment, wondering who the fuck she even was, then escaped to the kitchen to put in their orders before he finally snapped. He managed to resist the urge to tell the chef to spit on the seafood, but it was a close-run thing.Buy Links
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About the Author
Lisa Henry
Lisa likes to tell stories, mostly with hot guys and happily ever afters.
Sarah Honey
Sarah started life in New Zealand. She came to Australia for a working holiday, loved it, and never left. She lives in Western Australia with her partner, two cats, two dogs and a life-size replica TARDIS.
She spends half her time at a day job and the rest of her time reading and writing about clueless men falling in love.
Her proudest achievements include having adult kids who will still be seen with her in public, the ability to make a decent sourdough loaf, and knowing all the words to Bohemian Rhapsody.
Awfully Ambrose will be her fifth published novel in collaboration with Lisa Henry.
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